Archive for category: Travel & Culture Shock

It’s been an interesting day. We took our friends Tehan and Junha to the Amish store today. They are Korean, and Kim has been meeting with Junha for a little over a month now for language practice. She is new to Madison and wants to learn English. And Kim (and I) want to learn as much about Korea as we can before our adoption. So it’s a fun and beneficial relationship.

Tehan and Junha are both new to American culture. They’ve only been married a couple years and don’t have any children yet. Tehan has been in the States for a while but his English is still just so-so. And Junha recently moved here and is wanting to learn more. They have Korean friends and go to Korean church, but haven’t had an opportunity yet to be around and practice with native speakers.

We really empathize with their struggles. I remember all too well that feeling- being in a new culture, not knowing the language, immersed in the culture but still too distant from it. We felt that in Indonesia. We struggled with the language. It was exhausting to talk to people. Exhausting to be social. But we also knew that was the ONLY way to overcome it. Dive in, head first.

And so when Junha reached out via Craig’s list wanting a friend, someone who could help her navigate American culture and language, Kim responded. Kim has met with her a few times, and like I said so far it’s been very helpful. We have lots of questions about Korea and could use a translator, and Junha is super-motivated to practice her English and learn American culture.

Today’s excursion was, of all places, the Amish community north of where we live. Junha had heard of the Amish and was curious. So we met at our house, had some breakfast, and drove to the Amish grocery store, furniture shop, and bakery.

Her fascination and excitement for such simple things was really cute and refreshing. She got excited about corn fields and cows. We pointed out the small towns we passed through like Wyocena and Pardeeville. And she nearly flipped out when we passed by a couple of Amish buggies. She had a lot of questions. It felt good to be around someone who didn’t take these things for granted but found them genuinely unique and interesting.

I could tell the grocery store was a little overwhelming for them- so many aisles and items, all in English…. And on a Saturday it was quite busy. All the conversation can be overwhelming. Again, I can sympathize. The furniture store was less busy, and we introduced them to angel food cake at the bakery.

It was a really fun day. I like being on this side of the culture. All too often I find myself at odds with American culture- like I don’t fit in or belong here. But days like today remind me that yes, this is where I’m from, and no, it’s not a struggle for me to be here. Not how a foreigner feels. Not how we felt as foreigners in Indonesia. For once I could be the cultural informant. For once I could help out a visitor who needed a little help. I’m really quite happy to do it. Like I said, I remember the feeling, and I remember the people who helped us when we needed it. It’s a debt of gratitude that I am happy to pay to others who need it.

I’ve noticed a subtle but interesting change in me since I’ve returned home from living overseas. I’ve noticed that whenever I meet somebody new for the first time I always ask them where they are from. “Where are you from?”. I catch myself asking this question a real lot these days and I don’t think I used to do this. I don’t think ‘normal’ people ask this when they first meet somebody. I suppose questions like ‘where do you work?’ or ‘what do you do?’ might come first. But to me establishing where somebody is from gives me more information than anything else.

I think traveling around the world has really influenced my perspective about people. I have been lucky enough to travel and meet people all over the world. And it’s really interesting, and almost funny, how location does play a factor in who we are and how we act. Americans behave and think SO MUCH DIFFERENTLY than Asians. Likewise, Thai people act and think differently than Indonesians.

When you meet such a wide variety of people it’s helpful to establish geographical location first. That at least starts to give you a bearing on who they are. Location gives you clues as to their upbringing, their religious beliefs, and their cultural influences. From person to person these things can be slightly different. But within a geographic region you start to see a pattern. Similarities emerge. And then you cross borders and you really start to notice how similar the people really are. Especially when compared to another group. So pegging someone’s location has been an important skill while living overseas. It’s the minimum first step in knowing someone.

The only problem is that the question doesn’t quite work as well in Portage, Wisconsin. It doesn’t carry as much weight or information. When I ask someone here where they are from they say Madison, or Baraboo, or Sauk City, all cities in Wisconsin and not terribly different from each other. But sometimes a person is from out of state, or a large city. I’ve found that even here in America, location can be important. We have culture here too, and cultural distinctiveness. So I still think it’s a valid and helpful question. People really are influenced by where they live, and where they were raised. We act more or less in accordance with the rules our culture outlines for us. It may be subtle, we may not admit to it, but it’s there. So really my question is all about culture. I still think of people in terms of ‘people groups’, even here in America. Even in my little hometown.

What about me? Where am I from? Well, I could tell you Portage, Wisconsin. But right now I’m craving Chinese noodles and a coconut on the beach, so what does that say about me? I like to think my perspective has been enlarged. I might not be able to jump in on the latest local gossip, but man do I know how to navigate an international airport. I guess I enjoy the best of both worlds and try to fit in whenever possible. That’s me.

I’ve found that sometimes it’s helpful to think of America as a ‘foreign country’ when dealing with reverse culture shock. It’s helpful to think of it this way when I notice things, or feel stressed out or confused, because you tend to give a little more grace and forgiveness if it’s ‘foreign’.

When we first moved overseas we expected things to be different. We expected to have culture shock and to be confused. And so when we were it was only natural. And it was easy to pinpoint our stress. Just look around. Everything was foreign and new! The people, the sites, the sounds, smells, traffic, animals, hustle and bustle, language, etc. We expected things to be different, and it was.

You experience many of the same feelings and emotions, confusion, anger, bewilderment, etc. as normal culture shock, only you can’t quite pinpoint the source of your stress.

But reverse culture shock isn’t that easy. The hardest part about reverse culture shock is that you don’t expect it! You experience many of the same feelings and emotions, confusion, anger, bewilderment, etc. as normal culture shock, only you can’t quite pinpoint the source of your stress.  Everything ‘looks’ and ‘feels’ normal, predictable, as it should, but for some reason you’re stressed out and you can’t explain it. That’s reverse culture shock. And it sneaks up on you. It doesn’t hit you in the face like traveling to another country where the changes and differences are obvious. But reverse culture shock is subtle and elusive. Everything looks normal, but why doesn’t anybody act or behave the way I expect them to?!

So for me, when going through reverse culture shock it’s sometimes helpful to treat this like I’m visiting a foreign country and not my passport country. That way I expect it to be different. I allow it to be different. This is me. And this is America. We’re different. And that’s okay. Don’t take it personally.